My Mom's Obituary...

Katherine Bean Dorius:



Katherine Bean Dorius 1949 ~ 2008 Kathy Dorius, 59, passed away July 27, 2008 at her home in Draper, Utah of melanoma. Born February 28, 1949 in Salt Lake City, to Ralph James and Helen Coray Bean. She graduated from Highland High School and the University of Utah with a degree in speech therapy. She loved dancing especially with the Utah Civic Ballet Company. On September 4, 1968, Kathy married her childhood sweetheart, Earl F. Dorius, in the Salt Lake LDS Temple. Together they raised four beautiful daughters who inherited their mother's love of dance, and two wonderful sons. She was an active member of the LDS Church and served in many ward and stake positions including Relief Society President, Young Women's President, Activities Chairman, and Ward Missionary. She also choreographed many church musical productions. She loved serving others. She was a speech therapist and also worked with children with special needs in the Granite and Jordan School Districts. She was the Office Manager at Aspen Ridge Dental, and served as the Executive Secretary of the Utah All-Breeds Horse Show Association and the National Association of Extradition Officials. But most of all, she loved being a stay-at-home mom while raising her six children. Kathy was the most kind and selfless person who was adored by everyone who knew her. She would do anything for her children, and each one considered her their best friend. The Dorius home was a gathering place where the children brought all of their friends. Kathy gladly hosted these gatherings and made life a party for everyone. She had the uncanny ability of remembering the name of every person she ever met, and memorizing their phone numbers. She rarely had need for a phone directory. She loved family traditions like trips to Disneyland, Balboa Beach, and the family condo in St. George, hosting brunches on Christmas morning, dinners at the Pagoda Restaurant, and the annual family pilgrimage to Payson, Utah to camp in the trailer and celebrate Onion Days every Labor Day weekend. She loved to travel, and especially enjoyed touring England and Wales where her husband had served his LDS mission. She is survived by her husband, Earl, Draper, UT; children, Jennifer Allen (Scott), Sandy, UT; Dawn Hall (Aaron), Sandy, UT; Ashley Marsee (Robert), Layton, UT; Amanda Hatch (Brett), Lehi, UT; Joshua Dorius (Megan), South Jordan, UT; and Adam Dorius, Draper, UT; sister, Barbara Bean Daly, Salt Lake; sister-in-law, Ruth Ellen Bean, and 17 grandchildren: Jessica, Tanner, Sam, Mackenzie, Mackay, Hayden, Taylor, Rustyn, Kamryn, Neil (Lynette), Chace, Dane, Jake, Jane, Tobe, and Alyson. She was preceded in death by her parents and brother Michael Coray Bean. A viewing will be held Wed., July 30, 2008, from 6-8 p.m. at the Mountain Point 5th Ward located at 400 East Stokes Avenue (13535 S.) in Draper. Funeral services will be Thurs., July 31, 2008, at 12 noon at the Mountain Point 5th Ward Chapel with a viewing beginning at 10:30 a.m. Interment at Larkin Sunset Gardens, 1950 E. 10600 S., Sandy, Utah. Funeral director, Mike Anderson 801-580-3366. Online condolences at www.naeo@aol.com. We will miss you Mom ("Grandma Kathy"), but we are comforted by the knowledge the gospel provides that you will be near during special occasions and those special times when we need you the most.
Published in the Salt Lake Tribune from 7/29/2008 - 7/30/200


This is the picture she asked us to put on her obituary. We didn't know if people would recognize her so I decided to add it on this post.

My Mom's Letter and a Shout Out To Megan...

I lost my Mom yesterday. She died very peacefully in her sleep. I can no longer go into my Mom's room and see her smile or give her a hug. That is what I am missing most right now. For so long I have missed my old Mom who was either on her computer playing freecell or cooking something for Sunday dinner. But now I just miss the Mom waiting for me in her room. Waiting for me to come and make things a little better for her. I miss taking care of her and having her rely on me. I miss rubbing her back for her and getting "ice chips" for her. I just miss her. Last night I listened to her letter to me on my ipod. I laid down on my bed, put my headphones in and listened to my Mom's soft voice talking only to me. As I laid there crying and listening I could almost feel her presence in the room with me. She has never been a touchy feely person and didn't give hugs that often. She was always a behind the scenes person. She was there and we knew it and were comforted by it but not the center of attention. That was how I felt last night. She was there, behind the scenes, to give comfort. Her letter to me was amazing. She said exactly what I needed to hear. One thing that stood out to me was how much I am like her father Ralph. We all loved Ralph and my Mom showed his best traits in her own life. My sister told me the same thing yesterday, and if I'm like Ralph, then I must be like my Mom. She said it makes her proud that I was born with his traits of kindness and generosity. That made me feel really good. I hope I never lose thos qualities. I always want to make my Mom proud. It was just really good to hear her voice once more.

After I was done I turned to Megan for comfort. My Mom told her that she will do a good job of taking over to comfort me. She does. I love my wife so much. She has been so helpful with everything. She left our home in South Jordan that she loves so much to come move into my Parents' house and help take care of my Mom. I don't think that I've "built Megan's legend" enough in these posts but I want everyone to know how awesome she is. My Mom called her an angel sent to help. She really is. She wiped my tears and helped me to relax so I could get some sleep after the longest and worst day of my life. I slept throughout the whole night.

Today has been busy with funeral planning so we have been distracted enough to let ourselves get too sad. But those moments will come where we will have to turn to the stronger ones of the moment and find some comfort. But hopefully we will just be able to feel our Mom's presence encouraging us to stand up and keep going.

My Morning...

"Josh?? Megan???" I heard my Dad saying in the hallway. His voice was shaky and he seemed to be in a sense of panic. My eyes opened not fully able to grasp what was happening. I rubbed my eyes and sat up as my Dad was walking toward our bedroom and then he said, "I think she's gone." This was followed by many tears and sobs. I jumped out of bed and ran to my Mom's room while my Dad went downstairs to get Adam. Megan and I peeked into her bedroom and saw my Mom sitting in her chair with her head down. She looked like she has been for the last week. Nothing out of the ordinary. My Dad must be wrong. "Mom?" I said walking toward her. "Mom can you hear me?" I sat down beside her and rubbed her shoulder. "Mom???" She didn't wake up. Her eyes did not open. Her head did not lift up. For some reason I could have sworn that I saw her breathing. Maybe I just wanted to see it and my eyes were playing a trick on me but I didn't want to believe what was happening. My Dad came into the room and said "I just can't tell!! It looks like she's breathing." Megan grabbed the little device my Mom puts on her finger to check her heart rate and oxygen level. She placed it on my Mom's finger and waited for a sign. It kept reading blank. No heart beat. No oxygen. It was true. it was happening. The day had finally come. My Mom was gone.

My Dad called my sisters and, one by one they came over. They each hugged my Dad and each other. Everyone was crying and talking but I couldn't get my brain to catch up. I don't know exactly what was said but it was mostly about the signs of her leaving us the day before. Nobody liked to see her in the wheelchair. We have all wanted her to be able to lay down for so long and we were going to give that to her. We lifted her out of the chair and placed her on her bed. I cradled her head and felt how loose it was on her neck and I think that was when it hit me. This is not my Mom. This is a body my Mom once used. She looked so different. The hospice nurse came over and changed her into some clean clothes and prepared her for all of us to come say a final goodbye in her home. Her sister Barb came over to say her goodbyes as well. When it was my turn to say goodbye I held her hand. It was cold. I leaned down and gave her one last hug and kissed her head. I told her how much I loved her and how much I'll miss her. I broke down after that and curled up on my bed and just cried for my Mom. I want my Mom back. Jenn's neighbor who is a mortician came over to take her away to the mortuary.

This house has one less person now. I can no longer go hang out with my Mom. I can no longer take care of her or ask her for advice. I feel numb and mad and alone.

Kat Bean passed away sometime around 5:00 AM on Sunday Morning, July 27, 2008. We will miss her so much and life will not be the same without her. Please leave a comment or a memory of her if you wish to.

Her viewing will be this Wednesday from 6 to 8 PM. The funeral will have a viewing at 11:00 and the funeral will start at 12:00.

My Mom Is Gone

My Mom passed away this morning. I'll have details later but thought everyone should know....

Tender Goodbyes And A Few Smiles...

My Mom as I knew her is gone. Last tuesday I said all my goodbyes and cried with her and said all the things that I needed to say and hear what I needed to hear from her- well, I'm glad that I was able to do all that then. It just wouldn't be possible to do that now. I will always remember that night as the night I really lost my Mom. Physically, she is still with us but mentally, she is no longer the Mom I once had. Perhaps she sensed that her mind was on the edge and decided to jump the gun on saying goodbye to us. She has always been a "plan ahead" person.

Today I woke up and went into her room to find her sitting in her chair with her eyes closed and Dawn rubbing her feet. She looked relaxed and content but she didn't look like Kat Bean anymore. I could tell that she was no longer going to respond to a conversation if I wanted to start one. She would occasionally look up to see who was in her room with her. But then she would return to her hunched over position breathing heavy, drawn out breaths. That was how she was all day. As the day went by she went with it. Slowly winding down. Saying "Ok" to herself every now and then. Just off in her own world and we weren't allowed in. But occasionally she would snap back into the present and she would talk to us. I remember my Dad walking into the room and sitting in a recliner chair across the room from my Mom. She sat up, opened her eyes and looked directly at him. He smiled to her, and she smiled back with a sense of comfort and familiarity. Then she put her head back down and shut her eyes once more.

We have decided to stop giving her steroids which will mean she will no longer be able to communicate. Today may have been the last time that I could say "I love you" to my Mom and hear her say it back to me. I hope not. I hope tomorrow morning I walk into her room and make her smile at least one more time. But I'll keep wishing for that every day and I need to accept that this is it.


(This is funny but kind of gross. I wasn't going to include this in my post but it's too funny.)

Today I lied down on my Mom's bed next to her chair. She looked like she was asleep. I felt a gas bubble in my stomach and thought it was a burp.... it wasn't. I totally ripped one next to my Mom. I looked over at her hoping she didn't hear it. She slowly raised her head and turned to me half opening her eyes. Then she shot me a smirk. My fear of waking her up was replaced with laughter. "Some things never change huh Mom." Dawn said from the other side of the room observing our little moment. My Mom has always thought flatulence are funny. Even during these sad and painful times, her personality and humor creeps up to remind us that she is our Mom. She put her head back down and I could tell she was chuckling under her breath. Not a very tender last memory of my Mom but we have always kept humor in our relationship.

Another Huge Blow: Things Are Getting Strange....

What happened? I'm still trying to recover from the other night and now life is throwing new crap at me. My Mom is still here with us, but not really anymore. Her body is still too strong to die but her mind has sort of left us. There's no more laughter, there's hardly any more smiles, she just seems miserable and quiet. She is starting to get a little confused also and her wit is slowly winding down. She needs help with just about everything now and I can tell that she is still ashamed of it. She has told me (back when she just needed help putting her socks on) that "You lose your dignity when you are pregnant and when you get cancer." Meaning she'll need help but she won't care. Well, she does care. My Mom has never been one to complain or ask for help. But now she really needs help and the look of shame on her face is so heartbreaking to see. She is embarrassed to be lifted by her sons and husband to get out of her chair. She is embarrassed to have us pick up a spoon of ice she dropped because her hand is getting useless. She is humiliated. She still hates to have all the attention on her. But as her children, we all want to help her. We can't wait to be the ones to get her some water or help her into bed or massage her feet. We couldn't have asked for a better Mom and we certainly got the best. She has been there for us and raised us into good, caring people and now, it's our turn. We would do anything for her, and in these few days we have left with her, we get to do everything for her. I know she doesn't want us to, but she and we both know that she needs us to. Plus whether she finds comfort in it or not, it is our privilege to be able to help such a great person.

We had a chat with her hospice nurse and we are going to change her medications to help her be relaxed, a little less miserable, and perhaps give her what she wants most right now, no matter how painful that will be for us. I know that not all of these dying moments were going to be tender and peaceful. I know they told me it might get rough and emotions will be thrown to the curb and then lifted again only to be thrown back down but I wasn't prepared for this. I need a little time to catch my breath. But we are strong. We'll hold our own. We are ready to serve no matter what the day might bring...

We love you Mom!

She's Still Fighting Whether She Wants To Or Not...

As things start to wind down in my Mom's life, acceptance is beginning to set in for everyone. We all want what my Mom wants. And she just wants to be released. She still gets out of bed everyday and wants her children around. The hospice nurse told her that she is actually still fighting to stay alive because she won't just stay in bed. The fact that she still wants to join us everyday says that she is not ready to die. She actually may still have a few more weeks. This news brought my Mom down. But we all kind of laughed at how ridiculous that sounds. We spend each day just hanging out in her room. Although today she spent most of the time in a different bedroom so she could look outside into her front yard. She wanted to see her nephews, Tanner and Sam, in the 24th of July parade. (To those not from Utah: It's sort of like independence day, but for the state of Utah.) She liked the change of scenery so she stayed in that room all day. I once again left her, it was my wife's and my wedding anniversary yesterday so we went out on a date. But my sisters told me that she did her usual routine of sitting with her eyes closed, smiling and listening to her kids talk. I came home and hung out with her til we said family prayers and then I helped her into bed again. I said goodnight and left for work. Now I am home and still, she is with us and we are all very grateful for each day we get with her....even if she isn't very happy about it. : )


The other night my brother Adam and I played the song he wrote for her. She loves to listen to it. He is a great song writer.