It has been a year now since the vile illness made itself known to the public at the expense of my Mom. I stayed up til almost 5 am the previous night playing call of duty and honestly, that was pretty much all I cared about at the time. That all changed the next day.
I remember waking up to Megan that afternoon because nobody could reach me by phone. She drove home from work to wake me up because it was apparent that something was wrong. She told me that my Mom was going to the hospital because she couldn't breathe. I immediately got up and showered. I knew my Mom's health wasn't "great" and I remember thinking it was about time she went in for a check up but nothing too serious could possibly be wrong. I went to my sister Jenn's house to teach her son Tanner how to draw caricatures. She seemed worried but I think she felt the same way as me. After Tanner's lesson I went home to meet Meg after work. I kept getting more and more phone calls and the news seemed to be getting worse. It was Jenn who called and said they found spots on her lungs and it might be cancer. I could tell in Jenn's voice that she was really worried. I called my Dad to see if they needed any help and he said "no." I wanted to talk to my Mom but I actually felt nervous. I went to work with a huge knot in my stomach.
The next morning I drove to my Mom's house and as I was pulling into the driveway, I thought for the first time in my life that I could soon come to this house and not have my Mom there to greet me. I went inside feeling sick because I was so nervous. I found my Mom on the computer and she greeted me as she always does. I asked her how she was feeling and she said "scared." She was about to go back to the hospital for her biopsy to find out if it was in fact cancer. She walked downstairs with me to show me her x-rays. As I looked at the various spots on her lungs she walked to me and gave me a huge hug and I could tell she was crying. That was the moment that I felt that something serious was happening and my life was about to change. I tried to make her feel better and asked if I could go to the hospital with them.
That was the beginning of the strangest three months of my life. I still miss her so much every day. It still feels unfair that she was taken from me. This all happened way too fast.
5 comments:
Way too fast indeed. I hate it. I hate it all. I wish she were here. Life is not the same without her. Will it ever be??
I think we are all reliving every detail of those first days. That is truly when life changed forever. I still can't comprehend that she is really gone. It is still so unreal. You brought mom a lot of comfort during those three months. To you our family will always be grateful. You brought her joy and peace when she needed it the very most. I miss her more than I could have ever imagined.
I sat and bawled my eyes out with strangers today. Not bad for a first impression, eh???
These next few months are going to be tough. Lots of big and small "anniversaries". Lots of tears but hopefully a few smiles too.
I miss her.
Everyone always says the first anniversaries are the toughest. It is crazy how we remember them. It will get easier. We will never forget, but I think the pain will lessen. Thanks, Josh.
I'm sorry. Things will be hard over the next few months, I am sure. Be strong. Your mom is with you always. Stick together and your family with get through this tough time.
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