Thursday, August 28, 2008

Megan

Yesterday was the 1 month mark since my Mom died. This didn't even occur to me til today but I definitely felt it yesterday. This week I haven't been thinking about my Mom very much. I have kept very busy and I have been doing some double-shifts to make some extra money. So I've been going in to work at around 5:00 in the evening and coming home at around 3:00 in the morning. Megan works from 8:00 to 5:00. A normal work shift. So I haven't seen much of her this week. Or my Dad. Or my Brother. I've sort of kept to myself this week. During work last night I started to feel guilty for not thinking of my Mom as often as I used to. I shrugged the feeling off and continued to work. After work I got in my car and I noticed that "The Prayer" by Josh Groban was in my head. I thought it was really strange because I'd been listening to nothing but heavy metal in my headphones all week. As I started to think of the song I was suddenly kicked back into the week of the funeral. This song played maybe 15,000 times that week since it was featured on my Mom's slideshow. This was also the song that played during her horse show tribute. It was one of my Mom's favorite songs I think. I suddenly began to cry feeling terrible that I have not kept my Mom in my thoughts as much. I've also been trying hard to keep my Dad feeling okay since she died but not this week. I just haven't been around. I got home and couldn't sleep. The tears kept pouring out as I lied in bed. Megan woke up to me crying and she put her arm around me saying "It's ok." I think she was a little confused because I haven't been like this since the week my Mom died. It all caught up to me and I felt miserable and alone once more. Megan made it all better as she does all the time. She stayed up til after 5:00 AM with me till I fell asleep. I really take her for granted. She works so hard for everybody, but especially me.



It was her birthday recently and her boss got us not a hotel room, but a whole basement apartment in Park City for a weekend. It was very nice of them and it was great to get away from reality for a few days. I loved to see Megan not worrying about anybody but herself for a while. She deserves it. We went to dinner on Main Street. We drove over to the Homestead for some fudge (Meg's favorite.) And we rode the Alpine Coaster, which whoops the Alpine Slide's butt. We came back and she was already offering to help others around her. She took a long lunch the other day to come get Manda's kids and take them to Arctic Circle while Manda cleaned the house. I couldn't help because I had to go paint in Orem. But Meg's always willing to help. Thanks Meg. I love you.

7 comments:

Shauna said...

I remember hearing at the funeral that your mom felt like Megan was an angel. You are lucky to have such a sweet wife.

Debbie said...

Megan - You are something! You are alot like kathy in that you like to help your family.

Josh, I have really been missing Kathy lately. I told my neighbor that I have Post-traumatic Stress Syndrome. It seems to be hitting now more than ever. It's the "every day-ness" that I miss. I told Tee how I was feeling and he said, "I can be your best friend. You can call me anytime and say whatever you want and gossip." Riiigghht. Tee hates gossip. It wasn't mean stuff, just knowing you could talk about everything and usually get one of those Kathy laughs. This will take time and life is still good, isn't it?

Dawn said...

Megan is an absolute angel. We love her so much. We are all very lucky to have her in our family.

Josh, you have gone above and beyond at making sure everyone is ok. Thanks for all you do. Thank you also for choosing Megan. Together you are an amazing couple.

We will always miss Mom and the pain will never go away - we just are learning to live with it - learning to cope with the pain. Believe it or not - this is the new normal everyone is talking about. UGH!

Payson will be good for us. We all can just sit around in a bunch of trailers in the middle of a golf course and ...cry, laugh, talk, reminisce and enjoy one of Mom's favorite places. (-What the heck was she thinking??? ;).)

See you there!

kami @ nobiggie.net said...

Megan is such a kind and helpful girl. You got lucky!

Elder Ian Jeffrey Thomas said...

I am a neighbor of the Dorius'. I ran into Megan and Amanda's cute kids at lunch the other day. Megan is an incredible Aunt. She truly is an angel. It is fun getting to know you all better through this blog. Please know of our continued love and prayers for your family. Have fun this weekend!

amanda said...

What more can I add, Megan is the BEST!! People can't believe I am taking my 2 kids to Disneyland without Brett. I tell them, I have Megan.
I'm glad you have days to cry and miss mom. It's good to cry. It helps you grieve and heal. And it reminds us how special mom really is.
I miss her so much. Like Debbie said "the every day ness". I want to tell her so many things.
We'll get through this.

Becky, yep said...

Happy birthday Megan! I'm glad to hear that you are all taking care of yourselves! And each other!

thanks for keeping this blog going Josh!