Thursday, August 14, 2008
Small Things I Miss...
So far, this week has been.... ok. I have not felt the empty pain of losing my Mom quite as constant as last week. Though not a minute goes by that I'm not reminded of how much I miss her. I am beginning to forget about my sick Mom and I'm starting to crave my old Mom. The one who worked at Aaron's office and called me every day for lunch. The one who wore Crocs shoes, colorful reading glasses, and Coldwater Creek white shirts that all looked the same. The one who always wanted me to stay for dinner after helping her all day with yard work. The one who would call me every day to see how I was doing and tell me to stop working at night when I said I was tired. I miss being able to call her for advice that nobody else could give. I miss making her laugh when I'd say something stupid without thinking. I miss sitting on the floor next to her computer while she played freecell and talking her ear off about what's going on in my life (and knowing she was listening to every word.) I miss her every minute of every day. I don't know how to fill the void except to just keep busy so that's what I've been doing. That's all we can do. I hope this gets easier.
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6 comments:
I miss all those things too. This is the pits. She left us with many memories though and that helps me.
I still can't kick this anxiety feeling though.
Hope time will help a little.
Ugh!! Why???
People always say, after a trial, that "they were so strong and never asked why". No one will ever say that about me. I want to know why???
I miss her so much.
I feel like each day gets harder. I must be doing something wrong.
Diet Coke with good ice, anyone???
Dawn:
Your message just made me so sad. You are not doing anything wrong. You are just feeling your way through something that is so painful and difficult that nobody can fully appreciate it unless they have been through it. I know it brings no comfort, but asking why, even being angry, is a completely healthy and normal part of healing and coping and mourning. You are completely normal and so strong. You just can't see it as clearly as we can.
Please know we are all thinking about you, Josh and your entire family and praying that you will all feel more strength than you ever have.
Amy Poulson
I second Amy. She said it so well. Best wishes and prayers for you as always.
Hey Josh - this is Rachel, Brandon's girlfriend. I couldn't help but say thank you for this blog. Loosing my mom only a week ago I find myself finding a little comfort in your words. I almost feel as though I can relate to what you were or are going through.
I really hope things get just even a little bit better as time goes on. I can't live like this forever.
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