What Just Happened???

Today I went to my Mom's house at around 7:30. When I walked in the door she was walking from her bedroom to her office and I thought it must already be a good day if she's walking around. It was. She felt pretty good. She checked her email and went back to her room to finish breakfast. Her mouth started to get really dry so she didn't feel like eating. Then she thought about what she was in the mood for that wouldn't dry out her mouth and she decided she wanted pudding. I went to the store and bought her some. I gave her a cup and she devoured the whole thing. Great! She's eating! She's walking around! This will be a good day...

I went downstairs to put the pudding in the fridge and the phone rang. I heard her answer it so I kept trying to find room in the fridge. Then I heard her yell for me but I wasn't sure if I heard correctly. She yelled again and I ran upstairs as fast as I could. She was putting her head down on the table and holding the phone out for me to take. It was my Dad. He told me he was on his way home to take her to see her doctor at Huntsman Cancer Institute. They wanted to check on her since she's not eating too well. My Mom HATES going to the doctor. Needless to say she was pretty mad at my Dad. He came to get her and I rode with them to Huntsman.

We arrived there and I was kind of looking forward to what the doctor would say. I'm sick of wondering what's going on and I was excited to finally be getting some answers. The doctor came into the room after a long discussion with my Mom's nurse and I could tell by the look on his face that he was discouraged. He told us that her chemo she was taking didn't do anything to her tumors. They were actually much worse. Her next choice was either to just sign up for hospice care at home to stay comfortable as she passes away, or take steroids to try to shrink her tumors and possibly get her energy and appetite back. This will only be a delay. He kept saying that she simply cannot be cured. She decided to go for the steroids but she also wanted the hospice care. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The chemo didn't do ANYTHING?! Steroids? Hospice? I felt totally numb. I cried the whole way home. I was angry. I was sad. I was terrified.

We got home and my sisters were all there waiting for us. They stayed the whole evening. We had a very nice time sitting around the living room asking my Mom questions about her life. We laughed and cried and the whole experience left me feeling a bit better. Then the nurse from hospice came and explained what to expect. I'm glad that I know what to expect but I'm disappointed that she hasn't received the miracle we've all been praying for.


I love you Mom. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you but I've never felt closer to you than I do right now. You have been my best friend and I don't know how I could ever say goodbye to you. Thank you so much for everything!

Keeping The Faith Through The Hardest Times

It's getting hard to write anything new lately. My Mom hasn't had a great weekend. A lot of ups but mostly downs. She says she's not in a lot of pain, but she is extremely weak. I think it's mainly because she's not eating very much. She's lost a lot of weight and it's showing drastically.

Today Megan and I went over at around noon. My Mom was up in her usual spot in her bedroom. She was feeling really sad and felt that she hasn't kept her spirits high enough to receive any blessings that she has been asking for. She broke down and cried and I knelt down next to her and hugged her and told her that I absolutely knew that she would get better. She looked up at me with tears running down her face and asked if I really had the faith, and I said "Yes, Mom I do." She wiped her eyes and said that made her feel a little better. I just want her to stay positive and keep her own faith that she will recover. I don't want her to lose her will to live. I gave her another hug and asked her what sounded good to eat and she said she wanted a snow cone so I went and got her one. Tiger's blood, her favorite flavor. She ate the whole thing and took a nap.

My sister Amanda and her family came over for with dinner. It was her birthday yesterday and she wanted to spend an evening with her Mother. My Mom was debating whether or not she could come downstairs to join us. After a few minutes she decided that she needed to change her scenery and overcome the fear to walk downstairs. She made it and we had a great dinner with Manda's family. After dinner we all sat around the table and just talked. I began to notice a huge change in my Mom's mood. She seemed happier, stronger, and healthier. She loves her family and really enjoys spending time with us. My niece, Jane broke out her "Old Maid" card game and played it with my Mom. It was awesome to watch her play with her grandchildren like she used to.



I am looking forward to see what this week brings. I will be going to my Mom's everyday and I will do my best to keep her happy. I hope by the end of the week she will be strong and healthy. I DO know that she will feel better. We just need her to get passed the effects of her first chemo treatment and keep praying for the best.

A Nice Day at the Lake

I took another day off today. I don't have anything new to say about my Mom except that she seems to be having a great day. A bunch of her friends (quilting club) stopped by this afternoon which brought her up. She also went for a drive with my Dad. I'll have to call her again to see how her evening is going but her afternoon sounded pretty good. She is improving very gradually. I'm just happy she's not getting worse.

Today was nice for me as well. I went with My sisters Amanda and Dawn out to Utah Lake on Dawn's boat. We had a great time. My Dad stayed home to take care of my Mom so I didn't feel too guilty taking yet another day off. We attached a big tube to the boat by a rope and pulled each other around the lake. Even Tobe, my 3 year old nephew took a ride. It was really fun.







I'm going over to my Mom's tomorrow morning for a haircut so I'm getting ready for some more good news. I hope she has a good night and gets a lot of sleep. Hopefully she will continue to push herself to get back to a more normal lifestyle.

Home Again

Megan and I arrived back home in Salt Lake last night. It's good to be back. We enjoy vacations but it's always nice to come home. I missed my Mom a lot but I was with all of her friends so it didn't feel like I was far. Megan did a great job handling the conference for her.

She even had my Mom's reading glasses so nobody would notice she wasn't there.

I'm sitting in my old seat next to my Mom to help her again. I really wanted her to be back on track to recovery from the chemo but it still seems to be having its effect on her. How long does this stuff take? She still can't move very far without wearing herself out. Her appetite seems to be improving a little but not much. I'm beginning to get frustrated again. Hopefully as the day goes on she'll start to get some energy. My sisters who took care of her while I was gone said she improved a lot. She would get up and walk around during the day and sometimes she would even go downstairs. I hope she can continue to do this. I would like to see it. I really want her to be able to go to lunch or a movie. Anything but sitting in her room. I feel so bad for her. I know she doesn't like confinement. I hope she has energy to take on the next round of chemo. I'll do my best to help get her there.

The Conference in Scottsdale (So Far..)

I'm in Scottsdale Arizona right now. The conference started today (I'm actually sitting in the lobby of the hotel in the middle of everything right now.) and Megan is trying her best to fill my Mom's shoes. My Mom usually throws this whole thing together and we're learning fast just how much everyone relies on her. "It's just not the same without Kathy!" is the usual phrase around here. But Megan is doing a great job. We have made great friends with everyone here. I have been calling my Mom every now and then to check up on her. She has sounded great. I put her friends on the phone to talk to her and they all say how great she sounds. I think my Mom is lonely and feels better when she has contact with her friends and family. From what I've heard, she is improving slowly. She moved downstairs for a change which says a lot. After living basically in her bedroom for a week it should be nice to see some new scenery. I guess she also went for a drive with my Dad. That makes me really happy. I don't want her to stay in her house for the rest of her life. I just want her to be back to normal. No matter how long it takes.

I'm having a great time. I'm hearing a bunch of funny stories about my Mom that I've never heard. (Some involving toilet paper.) We have visited some sweet places like old town Scottsdale that looks like a western town. We also spent a day in Sedona which has awesome mountains and scenery and we ate the best pizza ever there. It's fun to be able to help and I hope we do half as good of a job my Mom usually does. I miss her so much but I'm glad to keep hearing her voice and hope she keeps her spirits up.


-These are all of my Mom's friends from the NAEO.


See Mom, they're not too old. I think you should do this in Boston.




- Sightseeing in Sedona.


I love you Mom!

Arizona Bound

Well, I'm sitting at my Mom's house right now getting the last minute things ready for the NAEO conference in AZ. My Mom had a pretty rough day yesterday and it seemed like a struggle for her to get through. Like I said before, that's the pattern. Today is a little better. She had a great morning with my Dad and when I arrived she started to lose her energy a little. She is weak but she is pushing herself. Her will power is getting stronger. She wanted to check her email in her office and thought hard about it and said, "I can do this! I need to move around." She stood up and made the trip with a feeling of accomplishment. Good job Mom! Keep doing that!

I have to leave her for a week. I have mixed feelings about this. It will be a great trip and I can't wait to relax, but I'm scared to leave her. I don't want to be away in case anything happens. I have spent the last week by her side and I know I'll miss her. My sisters, Ashley and Jenn will be here to take care of her though. My Dad will also take work off so she will be and great hands.

Hopefully Megan and I will do her proud as we take on her job. We are nervous but really excited. I'll have my computer and I'll try to keep these updates going while I'm gone. I love you Mom. See you in a week!

Another Good Day: Farewell To Chemo

I just got home from work and I'm tired so this won't be too long. Today was a huge improvement from the day before. My Mom seems to like having good days every other day. That's the pattern. I don't know why she doesn't just want to have good days every day. Oh well that's her choice. : )

Today her friend Debbie brought her a new chair to try to sleep in. It's a massage chair so she can lean forward and breathe better. She seems to like it.



She remained positive all day and even helped Megan get some extradition work done so she will be good and ready for Arizona. Since Megan and I are going solo now. :/



Megan and I left feeling good that my Mom had such a great day. We haven't been home too much this past week so our house hasn't been cleaned in a while. When we got home though, it was spotless. Someone had cleaned our house for us. It was Meg's two sisters, Jen and Carly. That was very nice of them. It really brings me up to see nice people doing nice things. I guess this horrible disease can bring out some good. Thanks again for all your help, prayers, etc.