Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Mondays Always Get Me Down...

I spent a lot of time in my Mom's room tonight with Adam, Dad, Steph, and Megan. We just sat around and reminisced about old times like when Adam and I were in elementary school while my Mom worked there. We had some good memories there with her. I was thinking about how much Mom was there for me growing up. Even in school I knew she was just down the hallway if I needed her. That was comforting to know. I used to go hang out in her office every now and then after lunch and we'd just talk and she'd sometimes give me her students' candy. : ) Working at my school, she knew all of my friends well, so they were all very comfortable with her at home. She was sort of our friend as well. Our house was the place to hang out and my Mom loved having us over. She'd always keep us fed and entertained. This kind of relationship with her grew from there. We have always been close friends. I could hang out with my Mom all day. She is so entertaining. She has an amazing laugh that is very contagious.

When she was working at Aaron's office she would call me at around 11:00, (keeping in mind that I worked the night before til 4 in the morning) and she would ask me if I wanted to go to lunch with her. Even though I was tired and sore and a few more hours of sleep sounded great, lunch with my Mom sounded much better. I would hurry and shower, get dressed, and drive as fast as I legally could to go pick her up. She would always make me choose where to eat though she'd sometimes hint at places she would prefer. We did this almost every day. Sometimes just my Mom and I, but usually with my sisters too. I miss doing that so much. Her favorite place to go was El Rancho Grande or referred to my Mom as "The Icky Mexican Place."

I miss talking to her about stuff other than how she is feeling or what she needs. She must be so bored these days. Today she seemed really down. She just couldn't find anything to be positive about. But it's hard to be positive under these circumstances. Her sister Barb came by today and she always cheers my Mom up. But other than that she kept quiet with a sad face all day. I feel so bad for her. I know she is deep down afraid to die but she seems really sick of life too. I know there's nothing I can do to save her but I just want her to at least enjoy her life while she has it. It was my turn say the family prayer tonight and all I could think to pray for was happiness for my Mom. I hope I can help to make her happier. I try to sit and talk with her and joke with her but it's hard to make her laugh these days. I miss her laugh so much. Hopefully it was just a bad day and tomorrow she'll feel some happiness.

I was looking through old pictures of my Mom. I don't have too many but these are a few good ones I found.

One of the many trips to Payson for the annual "Onion Days" celebration. We always camp on a golf course. It's weird, but hey, so are we.

My Mom hates having her picture taken so she hurried and covered her face before I took this picture but it turned out funny.

My wedding. She looked so beautiful that day. She let me use her backyard for the wedding and reception. It was awesome.

I like the face she's making in this one. It just looks like my Mom being funny. This was last Christmas.

8 comments:

amanda said...

I miss our funny mom too, and going to lunch, and making her laugh,......
Things just aren't the same anymore. Mom doesn't feel like laughing. But I know she enjoys your conversation and I know she likes talking about other things than the "c" word so keep her laughing....inside:)

Dawn said...

Hey Josh - Sorry for interrupting your prayer last night. I am feeling the same way. I know she likes us there and to hear our voices but I feel like she is, in a sense, disconnecting from us. Maybe she is doing it for herself - to make leaving easier - or preparing us for the time when we "know she is there, just not able to join in the conversation".

I prayed last night that Heavenly Father would grant her prayer tonight. Whatever she asked for - happiness, sleep, peace, etc - just grant her what she wants. I think all of us are praying for the same thing. I hope she will be content and happy today.
See you in a while - I love you.

Mary said...

Josh - I just wanted to let you know that I read your blog everyday - Thanks for keeping us updated and for the insight you have on your wonderful mother. This is a very difficult experience for your family but your mother is blessed to have such great children.

Ann said...

Hello from California again. Josh, I hope you are reading my comments to your Mom...please do.

I feel so close to you today Kathy and wish I was there to be with you as you get ready for this new journey in your future. You are tucked tightly into my heart, my thoughts and love.

When my Dad was at this point, I said to him, "Dad, aren't you mad and upset that you are having to go through this challenge and pain?" His answer has always stayed with me "No, Annie, because this is such a tiny blip in our eternal life and I know that we will always be together." What a comfort that gave to me that day and I hope it gives you comfort too.
How lucky we are to have knowledge that we have on what happens when we pass through the veil. The joy and celebration of those who are there already, your parents, your brother, Earl & Ruth and yes my Mom too. That is the joy we all have to look forward to, that we will all be together again.

You have led a rightous life, one that you can be proud of...you are a daughter of God and I know as we all know, he is very pleased in what you have accomplished here.

Oh, Kathy, I hope I can see you again, but if you want to go on to your celebration, I want you to know that I will always carry you in my heart, remember the wonderful times we shared together, your wonderful hospitality, your great meals, the travel memories that we have to share, are trips to the temple together, and your beautiful example on how to live the life of a child of God.

I will laugh when I think of flying at the Grand Canyon, the best 4th of July I ever spent in St. George with you. Going to see Raiders of the Lost Ark, snow cones, going to the ghost town, Colorado City and the pligs, the Nut Company, hearing of your night trips to Las Vegas and your experiences there....lucky lady! I will remember our trip to San Francisco and how we would boil ourselfs in our Spa....yes Freddie with his hands up in the air. I will remember our great visits and sharing of ideas. You have always been on a pedistal to me.

You know they say you can always tell when a woman is PG by the glow on her face. Well, we know you ain't PG, but you have the most beautiful glow about you right now. The pictures that Josh has posted and the Dorius Family slideshow I think Amanda posted on her blog page......show your glow. It shows that you are preparing to be come a queen, when you pass through the veil. As in all the organizations you have managed.....your biggest job, your life, has been well done.

I love you,

Jillie Ann

Debbie said...

Good pictures Josh. Keep on going. Thanks for your blog while I am in Montana. We love you all.

Dawn said...

It is great to see those pictures of your mom. Seeing them, makes me wish we had spent more time with her. Wish we had done more with her when she was healthy...I have a very tough time seeing her sick. It is not the Kathy I know.

I got to spend just about every day with her for the past 3 years and now feel like I took it for granted, somehow I squandered it. She was the best to be with to work with. She is my mother in law but she means more to me than that. I envy the relationship she had with all her kids,and they her. I wish we could all go back. I miss Kathy. I will always miss her. I was lucky to have that time

Aaron

The Gatherum Family said...

Josh,
Treasure and enjoy this time while your mom is still here but is also very close to the other side. The veil will be very thin at your home and you will be able to witness and see things if you are in tune with the spirit. Your mom will ALWAYS be with you, I am not just saying that, I feel my mom close to me, not as regularly as at first because I think she knows that I don't need her as much now, but I know she is aware of me and that her calling as my mom is an eternal one. I can't say enough how much I admire and honor you and your family and the only one I really know is Amanda but you are all amazing people. I am praying and hoping for a few more good days for all of you...Love, Adrian

Unknown said...

Dear Kathy, Earl & Family,
You are in our prayers every day.
Josh, thank you for sharing your family's experience with those of us who care so much about your family, but who do not know you well enough to intrude on this deeply personal time by coming to visit. I read your blog every day and appreciate the details you share.
I am so sorry that all of you are having to face this loss. It is a blessing that you are facing it together, giving and gathering strength from each other.
Earl, I am so impressed with your children. You and Kathy are clearly great parents to have raised such a compassionate, loving family. May the Lord continue to bless all of you.

With Love & Concern,
Barbra Dorius Van Shaar