"Josh?? Megan???" I heard my Dad saying in the hallway. His voice was shaky and he seemed to be in a sense of panic. My eyes opened not fully able to grasp what was happening. I rubbed my eyes and sat up as my Dad was walking toward our bedroom and then he said, "I think she's gone." This was followed by many tears and sobs. I jumped out of bed and ran to my Mom's room while my Dad went downstairs to get Adam. Megan and I peeked into her bedroom and saw my Mom sitting in her chair with her head down. She looked like she has been for the last week. Nothing out of the ordinary. My Dad must be wrong. "Mom?" I said walking toward her. "Mom can you hear me?" I sat down beside her and rubbed her shoulder. "Mom???" She didn't wake up. Her eyes did not open. Her head did not lift up. For some reason I could have sworn that I saw her breathing. Maybe I just wanted to see it and my eyes were playing a trick on me but I didn't want to believe what was happening. My Dad came into the room and said "I just can't tell!! It looks like she's breathing." Megan grabbed the little device my Mom puts on her finger to check her heart rate and oxygen level. She placed it on my Mom's finger and waited for a sign. It kept reading blank. No heart beat. No oxygen. It was true. it was happening. The day had finally come. My Mom was gone.
My Dad called my sisters and, one by one they came over. They each hugged my Dad and each other. Everyone was crying and talking but I couldn't get my brain to catch up. I don't know exactly what was said but it was mostly about the signs of her leaving us the day before. Nobody liked to see her in the wheelchair. We have all wanted her to be able to lay down for so long and we were going to give that to her. We lifted her out of the chair and placed her on her bed. I cradled her head and felt how loose it was on her neck and I think that was when it hit me. This is not my Mom. This is a body my Mom once used. She looked so different. The hospice nurse came over and changed her into some clean clothes and prepared her for all of us to come say a final goodbye in her home. Her sister Barb came over to say her goodbyes as well. When it was my turn to say goodbye I held her hand. It was cold. I leaned down and gave her one last hug and kissed her head. I told her how much I loved her and how much I'll miss her. I broke down after that and curled up on my bed and just cried for my Mom. I want my Mom back. Jenn's neighbor who is a mortician came over to take her away to the mortuary.
This house has one less person now. I can no longer go hang out with my Mom. I can no longer take care of her or ask her for advice. I feel numb and mad and alone.
Kat Bean passed away sometime around 5:00 AM on Sunday Morning, July 27, 2008. We will miss her so much and life will not be the same without her. Please leave a comment or a memory of her if you wish to.
Her viewing will be this Wednesday from 6 to 8 PM. The funeral will have a viewing at 11:00 and the funeral will start at 12:00.
16 comments:
We are so sorry for your loss. Your mom is one the the sweetest, most caring people I have ever met in my life. She has taught me so much about love, family and the church. I am forever grateful to your mother.
I got the call from my sister this morning. I am so sorry. I know that her peaceful passing was an answer to your family's prayers but I also know that no one is ever prepared for their mother to leave. And no matter how long you have to anticipate this event, having it be a reality is still devastating. My thoughts and prayers are with your family now more than ever. I've said this before, but I know that you will be given the strength that you need to get through this time. Much love to you all.
Brooke
You don't know me, I am one of Amanda's friend. I just wanted to tell you of my deepest sympathy for your loss. There are many, many people who are praying for you and your family during this time.
Kathy has been such a great influence in many lives--in her ward, her neighborhood and obviously in her family. Your mom was such an example of patience, endurance, faith, love and most importantly family. While its been difficult to watch her suffer through her horrible illness--it has been faith promoting for me to see your mom's righteous traditions passed onto her children--I've seen it in the way you all have cared for her in the past few months. Her example of keeping strong family ties is one I will always remember. Thank you for sharing your mom and your family with us through this blog.
Our prayers are with you.
Nicole Hansen
My heart is heavy with the knowledge of Kathy's passing and I am so sorry for your loss. What a blessing it was for all of you to be together the other night to say your good byes and for Adam to sing his song that he had written. Your family unit is so beautiful, so loving and so united....united for the eternities. Your parents example of their beautiful marriage, their love of the gospel, their love for your kids and of God.....will always be with you to help you in the coming years that will be filled with chalenges. Well done Kathy and Freddie. Thank you for being such an inspiration to all of us.
Thank you Kathy, for your rich companionship, friendship and sisterhood that you have given to me through the years.
Love,
Jillie Ann
I just read about your mom on Amanda's blog. And I've been sitting here reading all of your thoughtful posts from this last week with tears streaming down my face. I just wanted to say that I am so sorry.
And I wanted to thank you for your thoughtful words. The love you have for your mom radiates through your writing. I know she loves you so much too. Your family continues to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Dorius Family,
We are so sorry to hear that your wife and mom passed away. We are so sorry that you have to go through this trial, but we pray that our Father in Heaven will bless each and every one of you with understanding and peace. I have been following your blog for weeks, and as I read it today I just sat here and cried. Your family is so much like our family, I can't even imagine the loss you must be feeling right now. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. If there is anything at all that we can do for you, please call.
Love,
Bridgit Dallin and Family
I am so sorry for your loss. Your Mom was a wonderful person with a strong faith. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I have only had the pleasure of knowing her for 12 years. She will be missed by all. I will always picture her with those colorful glasses on the end of her nose. Thank you Josh for posting the blog. It enabled me to check in on your Mom even though I am in Pennsylvania. Much love to your family. Jennifer
Josh and Megan,
I am so sorry that you've lost Josh's mom. Reading your blog brought back so many memories of losing my own mom (Megan's Grandma Donna). No, life will never be the same without your mother. It may not seem like it right now, but the pain will eventually lessen with time. I know your mom was awesome, cherish the memories. Josh, your family is in our prayers.
Teresa and Randy Moody
Kimberly, Idaho
Josh and Megan and family,
As we have watched from the outside we have seen your love for your mother and we wish to give our deepest sympathies at this time. It pains us to see you grieve and we grieve not because we knew her but because we know you and you reflect of what kind of person she was in this life. We pray that you may be comforted in this time.
Love,
All of us at Lashbrook Designs and the Laker family
Our thoughts and prayers are with your family right now. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. What a sweet reunion she must have had with her mom, dad and brother. Lots of love- God bless!!
I am very sorry. I wish I was there to give you the hug. I will do that as soon as I return.
I have just read your blog from June to yesterday. You have recorded very tender and even raw feelings in writing and have shared those words with friends and family who know and love your sweet Mom. I knew her during days at Hillside Jr. High, memories of what a beautiful person she was and a beautiful ballerina will linger as I remember her. I also knew her all through days at Highland High. A few years after college days we lost touch. I often tried to encourage her to join us at Sewing Group over the years. My dear neighbor Becky Carlson adores her Mom's best friend, Kathy. Becky and I over the past few years have chatted about Kathy. Becky has kept me informed of this last phase of her earthly life.
I am so glad that a few of us in Sewing Group were able to write a few final words of encouragement to Kathy last Tuesday. Kathy has always been an outstanding, sweet and loving individual.
Your personal thoughts have made me cry hard this morning. Thank you for sharing them with us.
When I lost my parents 11 years ago I didn't know what to do with the pile of sympathy cards that came. Prior to the funeral I decided to hang them on my closet door as I always do with Christmas cards. I pass this thought to you and your family because for me it brought comfort long after the funeral at which time I was able to reread the love written on those cards and discard most of them keeping a select few. My door of loving support helped me along the healing journey.
I know that now you will be comforted by knowing she can freely be where she is needed, at soccor games, dance recitals, at family gatherings and by your side. Your family will know of her nearness. May you be comforted with the knowledge of the Gospel plan and our Heavenly Father's sweet mercy. ...Karol Jean K. Miller
For the benefit of her sweet grandchildren I highly recommend that you have her funeral video recorded.
I am so sorry to hear of your mother's passing. I am a friend of Dawn's, and just recently lost my dad to cancer. I have been reading your blog and have been so impressed with your openness and love for your mom. I have been able to relate to everything you have been through with your mom, as I experienced the same with my dad. My dad is a Dorius, Dawn and I made that connection a few years ago with her maiden name, and I know that our parents are up in Heaven reminiscing about their children and grandchildren down here on earth and how we were brought together as friends to help each other through one of the most difficult times in each of our lives. There is a peace that comes with knowing your mom is free of pain and is with loved ones she has missed dearly. Please know that our families thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time.
Jennifer Holbrook
Oh my gosh! Your family is very inspirational to so many people. Kathy Bean Dorius touched so many lives in such a profound way. May our Kind and Gentle Jesus Bless each and every one of you and Keep you all safe.
Faith, Time, Tears and Memories are basically the only little remedies that will aid in the healing process and will keep you strong. The pain will lessen and the fog will move slowly but it will happen. Your strong faith will sustain you all and just know and remember she is pain free and happy and watching diligently over each and everyone of you guys. God willing your saddness will pass quickly.
Your Wife, sister, grandmother, daughter, mother, neice, aunt, best friend was the ROCK of this Family and to so many individuals. Our Family had the pleasure of knowing Kathy and enjoyed the Christmas updates. She made our 2 sons their first crib quilts and to this day, 32 years later, they still look just like they did when we received them after our sons were born. They are definitely a treasured item.
My husband's mother Merle Bean Starke and Kathy's father, Ralph Bean are brother and sister and even though we have lived in Colorado for most of our married life, we have stayed in touch long distance and she has shared her work with her families geneology and kept us up to date.
Our thoughts and prayers are with your entire Family at this time. May Our Heavenly Father watch over each and every one of you. God Bless you all and know that our hearts are heavy with sorrow for all of you.
In 2002 We lost my dear father and one of the things that helped all five of my brothers and sisters was that my mother took all of dad's shirts and pajamas and slacks and even coats and we cut each and every item into tons of
6x6 squares and made 7 quilts for all of us and his life continues in that big way for each and every one of us every time we walk into a room and see that special quilt with his shirts that we remember him wearing.
We are eternally grateful for having had the pleasure of knowing our cousin Kathy and her dear sweet family and we will continue to remember each and everyone of you in our daily prayers.
Snuggles and Smooches are coming your way. Love,
Mary, Doug, Michael, Matthew & Little Dylan Starke
I'm so glad you used the word 'mad'. That is how I've felt reading all of this! It's true she is not in pain anymore but this world doesn't have enough great people in it.
I'm so sorry... just so sorry!
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