I lost my Mom yesterday. She died very peacefully in her sleep. I can no longer go into my Mom's room and see her smile or give her a hug. That is what I am missing most right now. For so long I have missed my old Mom who was either on her computer playing freecell or cooking something for Sunday dinner. But now I just miss the Mom waiting for me in her room. Waiting for me to come and make things a little better for her. I miss taking care of her and having her rely on me. I miss rubbing her back for her and getting "ice chips" for her. I just miss her. Last night I listened to her letter to me on my ipod. I laid down on my bed, put my headphones in and listened to my Mom's soft voice talking only to me. As I laid there crying and listening I could almost feel her presence in the room with me. She has never been a touchy feely person and didn't give hugs that often. She was always a behind the scenes person. She was there and we knew it and were comforted by it but not the center of attention. That was how I felt last night. She was there, behind the scenes, to give comfort. Her letter to me was amazing. She said exactly what I needed to hear. One thing that stood out to me was how much I am like her father Ralph. We all loved Ralph and my Mom showed his best traits in her own life. My sister told me the same thing yesterday, and if I'm like Ralph, then I must be like my Mom. She said it makes her proud that I was born with his traits of kindness and generosity. That made me feel really good. I hope I never lose thos qualities. I always want to make my Mom proud. It was just really good to hear her voice once more.
After I was done I turned to Megan for comfort. My Mom told her that she will do a good job of taking over to comfort me. She does. I love my wife so much. She has been so helpful with everything. She left our home in South Jordan that she loves so much to come move into my Parents' house and help take care of my Mom. I don't think that I've "built Megan's legend" enough in these posts but I want everyone to know how awesome she is. My Mom called her an angel sent to help. She really is. She wiped my tears and helped me to relax so I could get some sleep after the longest and worst day of my life. I slept throughout the whole night.
Today has been busy with funeral planning so we have been distracted enough to let ourselves get too sad. But those moments will come where we will have to turn to the stronger ones of the moment and find some comfort. But hopefully we will just be able to feel our Mom's presence encouraging us to stand up and keep going.
11 comments:
Dear Dorius Family,
First of all let me say how sorry I am about Kathy, she was such a great person to everyone. Thanks to all of you for sharing her with us. It was a comfort to me to be able to read the information on your personal sites.
I know many people have said how sorry they are and what a great impact Kathy had on their life. I am just one of those people.
I remember these things about Kathy.
1) Always smiling.
2) Always making the time to talk to me.
3) Always organized.
4) Always cheerful.
5) Always putting her family first.
6) Always a quiet example for the Church.
7) Always teaching.
8) Always hard working.
9) Always friendly.
10) Always faithful.
I will never forget all she did for me.
Pam Olsen
:This is from Mimi Hunley, a friend from the NAEO:
Please accept my deep sympathy for the loss of your mother. I have known Kathy since 1997 through our work with the extradition association. At first, I was impressed with her organization and efficiency in dealing with the many details of the association and its conferences. From there, I became aware of other fine qualities such as her patience, deep faith, and her great wit. I also got to know your dad during this time. Your parents were always so kind and sweet with each other. And I loved when he called her “Kath.” It as if they were always on a date.
Josh, thank you for sharing your family’s journey with us. Hopefully, in time, the sad memories will fade and you all will only recall the good times with your wonderful mother.
God bless you all.
Oh Josh. I am so very sorry. I promise you will continue to be able to feel her. I will see you on Thursday. I am praying for you and your family...Love, Adrian
I will echo Adrian when I say that your mom will be there close to your family as you perform this last act of service for her. They stay so close for a while. I think that they know we need their comfort to make it through this time. I wish I was able to be there for the funeral. As always though, you will be in all of my thoughts and prayers.
my family was so sorry to hear about your mom's original diagnosis and very impressed by how your family has come together for her. I only know Josh and Megan personally, but have felt like I've known "Kat" Everything I have ever heard about her has been wonderful:Long before she ever got sick. Her mission on Earth had to be a successful one with all the loving comments I have read from all of you. May all who knew her be comforted and please accept our sincere condolences and prayers for you Kent and Barbara Dawes and Family
We are so sorry to not have personally known such a wonderful lady! Josh and Megan are great people and have shared many things about "Kat Bean" with us. We are so impressed with the way your family and friends have come together. Her life was truly a successful one. May all who knew her, please accept our sincere condolences and prayers. Kent and Barbara Dawes and Family
Josh, I never got to know you very well, but I feel like I know you more through the wonderful accounts you have given us of your mom on your blog. What a wonderful compliment your mom gave you when she said that you were like Ralph. After hearing that, I know I would have really liked you. From the time I was about eight years old, Ralph has been my favorite person. I really loved him and cherished the time he gave to me. Kathy was near and dear to me and I will miss her.
Love, Aunt Dianne
Megan, You have to know what Kathy thought of you. She loved you as soon as she met you. On one of Kathy's last days, She and Earl both said that you are an angel here. Thank you Megan for all you did for Kathy and the whole family!
Josh and Megan-
I am so sorry to hear of your loss! I know Josh you don't know me all that well, but I am here for you and Megan anytime you need me or anyone to talk to..
I know that my Mom just said it but it's true... my Mom has told me several times through out the past few months how much Megan has meant to Kathy and how much she sees the love between You two!
I'm sure your Mom passes feeling so grateful for each and every one of you! You were all so attentive and caring to her!
She was a very lucky lady have so much love in her life!
Dawn and family,
Dawn, when you called Sunday morning, I looked at caller ID first and I knew instantly your mom had passed away and that pain of hearing it was so real. I ached for you, since I've gone through that twice myself. We were leaving out of town in only 45 min. and a part of me wanted to stay to help, comfort or do whatever I could. (And the other part of me said, "you better go on vacation with your family or else they'll kill you.") I thought of all of you while we were camping. When you're in nature I think you feel closer to Heavenly Father and your surroundings. I thought of how busy you would be preparing, although I know Dawn's a planner like your mom, and how bitter/sweet the week would be. I'm sure tears, laughter, and lots of memories were all part of the week. I'm so sorry I missed the funeral and the opportunity to help out but I've heard wonderful comments about it all. I heard that all you children spoke so well and that your mom was your best friend. I heard about the grand-children singing and how wonderful that was. I heard about the pictures and how beautiful it was all decorated (which I'm sure Dawn has something to do with) and how many people were able to attend. I'm so sad for all of you but so happy that your mom is out of pain and suffering. She was a wonderful, wonderful woman and a great example to me as a friend. ( I'm sorry Aaron, but it won't be the same coming to the dentist because I won't have Kathy to talk to the whole time!)
I have to tell you an experience I had the morning your mom passed away. I had stayed up late Saturday packing for our trip to Washington, and I got to bed about 12:30 am. Our dog, shasta, never ever whines in the middle of the night and I heard him whining at 3:07 am and thought, "you're kidding me, what is wrong with him?" I got up and saw him circling the front door so I let him out, with leash in hand in case he saw something and ran. He looked around frantically and did nothing. I thought "oh brother" then he went potty and we came back into the house. He then ran for the back door and I thought again, "you've got to be kidding, we're leaving in less than 3 hours." So I let him out on the back deck and we just sat there in the warmth of the night. As I looked over at Dawn's house, behind us, I just thought about your mom and wondered if this will be the night I see lights come on and if I'll find out Kathy's left this earth. Dawn kept saying to me that "I know she'll pass away when you're on vacation." I felt at peace but a tear came to my eye as I thought of how hard that will be and how I miss my own mom. It's been 13 years since my mom passed and sometimes it feels like yesterday. I do know that they are happy and out of pain so that brings comfort and peace but the days and weeks following a death can be so much like a roller coaster, with ups and downs you never expected. I pray it will be more ups for all of you and if there's anything at all I can ever do, just ask. I know there's still plenty to do afterwards so please use me.
I’m so grateful for the gospel and how it brings us peace and comfort in times like this. Thanks for being great examples by just loving your mom. What a great tribute to her and how much she is in each of you. Her legacy will live through you.
Love, Lynn Harris and family
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